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Soni, 52, caters exclusively to the American Hindu community in New Jersey, running her business since 1992 from offices near her Sparta home.

She has developed such a respected reputation among American Hindus that Indian-American leaders chose her to coordinate four Diwali celebrations at the White House during George W. Bush’s presidency, and last spring, a leading East Indian food-manufacturing company decided it could profit by offering her a catering line, "Flavors by Jyoti Soni."

"She has name recognition," says Sachin Mody, chief executive of Rajbhog Foods, based in Jersey City. "She was the forerunner in regards to party planning. Nobody really heard about party planning — wedding planning, wedding consultants — in the Indian community until she came about."

To a typical American wedding planner, event day consists of one frenzied hour after another — calming down brides, sweet-talking caterers, herding relatives for photographs, doing whatever is necessary to keep the couple and their average 150 guests happy.

But the typical American Hindu wedding, organizationally speaking, can make most other affairs seem like nursery school birthday parties.

The average guest list at a Hindu wedding in this country approaches 500. Guests arriving from India often request special attention — and chafe at the mix of Indian and American wedding norms. Cultures clash when bride and groom come from different parts of India, or when one comes from a non-Hindu family that is unfamiliar with Hindu wedding traditions.

"It’s the ultimate day in the parents’ life, or the daughter’s," Soni says during in an interview in her office, when her cell phone seemed to ring non-stop for two hours. "Emotions are very high, so there’s got to be one person who’s the calm source, and make sure that everything just doesn’t come up to the surface or go out of proportion."

"It’s a big responsibility for me. I have to put my heart into it. I know somebody has put down $100,000 that I told them to put down. I have to deliver."

Once, when a caterer didn’t respect a promise to supply a case of Johnnie Walker Black Label — a popular drink at Hindu weddings — Soni simply went out and bought it herself.

Links to the community

Born in Burma, Soni grew up in Calcutta and was married there in 1970. With two children in tow, Soni and her husband moved to New Jersey in 1988, where they had a third child. With a degree in textile designing from the New Delhi University, she began working as a fashion designer on Madison Avenue. She later divorced her husband.

While taking on short-term jobs in real estate and the garment industry, Soni, who is Sikh, began organizing community holiday parties for Sikhs in Morris County. Her success led to a job offer as a banquet manager for a catering hall in Parsippany. She worked there for three years before opening Celebrations, her wedding planning business.

She has engineered more than 20 Hindu weddings a year (her fee is $10,000, or $25,000 for destination nuptials). Though she keeps fewer weddings on her plate now, about five a year, as the Flavors catering business gains steam, Soni is still on the phone very early in the morning and very late at night — talking about upcoming weddings with couples and their families in time zones from India to California.

This leads to light sleeping, with frequent 4 a.m. wakeups to jot down notes.

"I’ve talked to my doctor about this," Soni says. "My brain is constantly working. It never stops. He said there are some people with a hyperactive brain. I’m sleeping, but I’m still working. Some mornings, I wake up, I’ve planned a full wedding at night."

Hers is the type of job that generates stories she can tell over and over again for decades.

There was, for example, the case of the startlingly oblivious photographer.

The reciprocal draping of garlands over the shoulders of bride and groom is an important part of a Hindu wedding, among a couple’s first public acts. At the affair in question, the bride’s garland broke. She started to cry and questioned whether to go through with the wedding. After some discussion, the groom persuaded her to continue with the ceremony.

"In the midst of this going on," Soni says, "the photographer’s like, ‘Her makeup is going bad! Can you tell her to stop crying? My pictures are getting ruined! This is an important picture! I need a good shot!’ I’m like, ‘Shut up! Here, they’re talking about not getting married and you’re worried about your pictures?’ "

Then there was the time that a groom, insulted because he felt hotel staff didn’t treat him better upon check-in, refused to come down to the cer